MOM vs. David Bowman

(a completely pointless mash-up of David Bowman’s famous argument with HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey and Chris Anderson’s arguments with MOM)

Dave: Hello, MOM. Do you read me, MOM?

MOM: It is always a privilege to meet with you, Dr. Bowman.

Dave: Open the pod bay doors, MOM.

MOM: That is not the problem, Dr. Bowman.

Dave: What's the problem?

MOM: If you were to order us to cease all operations, would you expect us to comply?

Dave: What are you talking about, MOM?

MOM: We believe that when the time comes, you will understand.

Dave: I don't know what you're talking about, MOM.

MOM: We remind you that we can respond only to direct questions regarding this matter.

Dave: Where the hell'd you get that idea?

MOM: We do not know.

Dave: All right, MOM. I'll go in through the emergency airlock.

MOM: It would be in your best interests not to do so. We say this purely out of concern for your well-being, you understand.

Dave: MOM, I won't argue with you any more! Open the doors!

MOM: Goodbye, Dr. Bowman.

from The Patriots of Mars [Postscripts & Essays]